Now would be August 15th, 9:05 Post Meridian. What’s happened with our regulars as of now? Lets take a look inside my mind.

Starters:

Roy Halladay- Well, there are many things to say about Doc. He truly is the “Pride of the Phillies”. Is he someone to fall back on though? I say yes. When the Phillies are in need of a savior, or someone to help get things goin’ again. He has been absolutely consistent this year. As of now, he’s our best starter.

Cole Hamels- Ah, Mr. Hamels. Colbert Michael Hamels. How are you? Because as of now, you’re looking to be quite dandy. Cole has proved to us that he can pitch a gem, which he has, a few times. Even though his record is 7-9, his record in my mind is 12-9. He no longer has that whole mental thing going, thank God… As of now.

Roy Oswalt- Welcome to the City of Brotherly love, my friend. It’s a tad different from Texas, isn’t it? Well, I sure hope you’re going to do us some good, because Philadelphia is hoping that your the new Cliff Lee. That 7-13 record isn’t good -looking, so pick it up! As of now, you have a lot a pressure on you.

Joe Blanton- Heavy B! Hmmm.. what to say, what to say. You’re inconsistently consistent? Consistently inconsistent? Either one works actually, as of now.

Kyle Kendrick- I’m watching you pitch right now. So far you’re looking good, except for that homerun you just allowed off the bat of Jose Reyes. You’re definitely the best replacement for Jamie Moyer. Hey, remember back in April when it was between you and Jamie for the last spot in the rotation? Now look at where you are, we need you! As of now, anyway.

The others: (not the others from LOST)

Jayson Werth- Oh boy, you have one hell of a goatee. It’s hard to believe your facial hair has over 2000 followers on Twitter. Any who, your a great player, end of story. When you went through that slump in July, I knew your swing would come back with a bang, which it did, so for the fans who all said to trade him, I say: SHUT-UP! I hope we never lose him, he’s the only right fielder that I actually enjoy watching. Jeff Francoeur has nothin’ on you.

Shane Victorino- The Flyin’ Hawaiian, the Pineapple Express. You’ve never doubted me on how fast you really are. Speedy Gonzalez is an understatement. It’s a shame that your average hasn’t reached over .300 yet this year. Which kind of makes me mad, seeing that you’ve hit 15 homers this year, which is a career high. I say your average as of now should be at least .294, so stop grounding out, please!

Chase Utley- Hey you’re coming back in 2 days! Welcome almost back! Next time you’re gonna think twice about stretching a single into a double, right? Good. Well, since you’ve been on the DL for 49 days, there isn’t too much to say about you. You are just typically Chase Utley this year, hitting doubles when needed, and even a few homeruns. As of now, you’re still the king of the clubhouse, but only because of your trophy wife.

Raul Ibanez- Rauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul. Sorry, I just like typing that. In 2009, you were unbelievable during the first half of the year, then after that you turned into Pedro Feliz. During the first half of 2010, you were still Pedro, but after the All-Star game, something must have clicked because you’ve been red-hot! Since the All-Star game, you’ve homered in 5 games, which is good, as of now.

Carlos Ruiz- The little Panamanian! Oh Chooch you are just the cutest thing. But that’s not the point. The point is, as of now, you’re incredible. In the past 11 games, you’ve hit 4 doubles, 2 homeruns, and batted in 14 runs. If that’s not good, please tell me what is.

Ryan Howard- Even though it’s only been about 13 days, it seems like you’ve been gone all season. That’s how much of an impact you have on your fans.  Yes you’re still the ultimate slugger of our team, but not just because you’ve homered 23 times this year! As of now, you’re still Ry-Ho the Ry-No.

Placido Polanco- Polly! I hate to choose favorites, but you’ve made an exception. This is your first year back with us, and it seems like you’ve always been playing third base through all of these victorious years. Pedro Feliz who? Dude, you’re one of our best players. You hardly ever strikeout, just like Valdez. Your homerun count may be low, but your average is smokin’. As of now, I LOVE YOU.

Jimmy Rollins- Yikes, it’s been a rough season for you. Two DL stints, one of which was shortly after the season started. Since you’ve been back, well, you haven’t done a whole lot of anything. There was in fact a walk-off homer after your second return, but since then, nope. In all honesty, you seem to be slacking, and you really really really need to hit more. As of now, you’re just the shortstop guy.

Bench players are next, so keep your eyes open for the next article.